depleted, but it has to be all my fault

 here i sit, at 52, and i’m realizing that i can longer achieve the hopes and dreams i wanted so badly. you can find the love of your life, and in time , recognize the relationship was all about you and you are selfish. trying to make things better, yet not realizing who you really are indside. 0+2=1.. i must say, i tried and i failed. i am eternally filled with sadness and shame for what i never wanted to happen. but i know the score, and it lays mostly on me.

i can no longer darken Kate’s doorstep, i just know that we cannot salvage friendship after what i’ve put her through. i have a few yeasts left, she has more: i want happiness for her, and for fucks sake, i blew it

yet another of my many fuck ups…😘🤷🏻‍♂️

but now 20241207 i think you can matter if you want to.

i want to, matter 

in a positive way